THE PRIVILEGE OF THE TRANSPARENT

Matthew 5:4

INTRODUCTION:

I’ll bet you’ve seen the popular series of Kleenex commercials called “Let it Out”.  The Kleenex company went out on the street, plopped down a couch and a man (who is a great listener) and, of course, a box of Kleenex.  The man simply invites people to take a quick break, sit down on the couch and talk with him.  It’s amazing to see the number and diversity of people that sit down and just start sharing all sorts of stories and memories with this complete stranger, whose only credentials are a gentle invitation, a pleasant demeanor and a listening ear.

Have you thought about why these commercials are so popular?  Why is it that people connect with a commercial that shows strangers weeping?  We don’t know who these people are.  We don’t know their story and why they are crying.  We don’t even know who the guy is who’s handing them the Kleenex.  So why do we resonate with these commercials?

I think it is because pain is universal.  Everyone grieves.  We grieve the loss of a loved one.  We grieve the loss of our health or of our wealth.  We grieve the loss of the innocence of our children.  We grieve many losses...any losses.  All people grieve.

In the powerful introduction to The Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

All people grieve.  But not all who grieve will be comforted; only those who mourn.

Since the experience of grief is universal but the promise of comfort is not, let’s look at what Jesus promised and to whom he promised it.

I.    THIS TRANSPARENCY EXPLAINED

The Greek language has nine different words that convey the meaning of grief, sorrow, sadness or mourning.  Of the nine, the word Jesus uses for “mourn” is the strongest.  It means to feel such intense sadness that the grief is manifest in outward expression.  When this word is used, it always indicates an outward expression of inner pain.

The Old Testament records numerous examples of people who have mourned their grief; who gave outward expression of their inner pain. 

·         Genesis 26 says that family troubles brought grief to Isaac and Rebekah, Genesis 34 says family troubles brought grief to Jacob’s sons and Genesis 38 says that family troubles brought grief to Judah.  Did you notice a pattern there?

·         Job, speaking to his three close friends, said,

^7 My eyes have grown dim with grief.         (Job 17:7a)

·         King David, when he was being pursued by enemies who sought to take his throne and his very life, cried out to God and said:

^9 Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;

my eyes grow weak with sorrow,

my soul and my body with grief.   (Psalm 31:9)

·          The prophets Ezekiel and Micah both grieved over the punishment that was going to come to Jerusalem.

The point is obvious: all kinds of people grieve.  God’s chosen people knew pain and sorrow.  Kings and commoners felt stress and distress.  Good men and wicked men experienced trouble and trauma.  Prophets and priests were not strangers to sadness and suffering.

The theme of mourned grief is echoed in the New Testament as well.

·         Jesus’ disciples grieved when he told them that he would be killed by his enemies.

·         While he prayed in anticipation of his betrayal and crucifixion, Jesus grieved to such a degree that he sweat, as it were, great drops of blood.

·         And the New Testament teaches that all of us should grieve and feel great sorrow over this rebellious age and over our own sin, which is a symptom of this rebellious age.

However, throughout Scripture, there is this assurance, that God takes no pleasure in our pain and that our present sufferings lead to and will be outweighed by the joy that awaits us.

II.    THIS TRANSPARENCY EXPRESSED

I said earlier that when the word for mourning that Jesus used always indicates an outward expression of inner pain.  It means to get outside of us what is inside of us.

If you want a picture of such grief, think of the news footage you have seen of Middle Eastern funerals.  What images are seared into your memory?  Don’t you think of black robed women and bearded men, clinging to a casket, who are wailing with grief? 

Believe it or not, that is what Jesus is talking about here.  He says there is a privilege that comes to those who, in their sadness and grief, mourn; those who don’t just feel sorrow but those who express it.

Ours is the kind of a culture that discourages mourning.  We don’t put people down for hurting; we just don’t want them to express it.  Our society encourages people to:

·         Deny their grief.  We put a consoling arm around their shoulder and tell them, “There, there; it’s not so bad.”  When it really is just that bad.  People feel great loss, great sorrow and great pain and we almost imply that they are blowing it out of proportion when we tell them that it’s not all that bad.  But that is what our culture often says.

·         Suppress their grief.  We softly say things like, “Stop crying; cheer up”  even though most of us are informed enough to know that psychology has discovered that repressed grief is destructive grief. 

I suspect that anyone who was over the age of ten on November 25^th, 1963, will remember the image of Jacqueline Kennedy, the young widow of John F. Kennedy, and their two children, Caroline and John John, as they stood with perfect composure while the late president’s funeral procession passed by.  I remember commentators observing the tremendous strength and courage of Mrs. Kennedy as she stood so erect and was not seen to shed a tear.

I am afraid that this image is etched on more than our memories: I’m afraid it may be etched on our psyches.  And for 45 years, my generation thought it was a sign of strength to repress grief and a sign of weakness to mourn.

Our culture encourages us to deny our pain, to suppress our pain and to:

·         Avoid our pain.  We do all we can to avoid facing, processing and owning our sorrow.  In my years in ministry, I have known people who have failed to visit family members in the hospital because they did not want to feel the pain that comes from seeing a loved one in distress.  I’ve even known people to skip the funerals of family members so they could avoid the pain of grief.

·         And often we sedate our pain.  Doctors prescribe sleeping pills and sedatives to people so they don’t have to feel what is inside of them.

In contrast to all of that, Jesus says that those who mourn, those who express what they feel, are blessed because they will be comforted.  Now having said that, let me hasten to say what Jesus was not advocating.  Jesus did not say:

·         Act like you are mourning.  Most of us have been witness to the crocodile tears of public figures who wanted to appear to be empathetic when they were not.  I mentioned Jimmy Swaggert a few weeks ago.  His tearful histrionics about how he had sinned against God and his congregation seemed a bit phony a few weeks later when he was caught with another hooker in a cheap hotel room. 

Jimmy Swaggert is not the only person to have acted like he was mourning when he may not have been.  He’s just a high-profile figure who appeared to be acting as if.  Jesus told us that those who genuinely and authentically mourn are blessed with comfort.

·         Jesus did not say to act like and he did not say to act out.  Acting out because of our pain is a form of indulgence that implies that our pain is an acceptable excuse for bad behavior.

·         Jesus did not say to act like nor to act out and he did not say to act up.  In children, this can manifest itself in temper tantrums and childish immaturity.  In adults, it can manifest itself…in exactly the same ways.

For our grief to be expressed, we need safe places where people can express their pain and safe people to whom they can express it.  The church is to be such a place.  The church is to be such a people.  We must become the kind of a community that permits mourning.  And I will tell you that if we are that kind of a community two things will happen:

1)     We will be out of step with our culture, and

2)     We will have lots of hurting people coming to us.

And this brings me to consider:

III.    THIS TRANSPARENCY EXPERIENCED

Psychologically, when people mourn, the receive comfort.  You’ve heard the advice to “have a good cry, get it all out and feel better.”  Well, there is some validity to that counsel.  And there is Biblical precedent for it, too.

·         When his wife, Sarah, died, Abraham wept.

·         King David wept because he was lonely and felt forsaken by his friends.

·         Jeremiah was called the Weeping Prophet and he wrote, “Oh that my head were a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears!  I would weep day and night” (Jeremiah 9:1).

·         In II Timothy 1:3-4, Paul wrote to his young friend and told him that he recalled Timothy’s tears that he shed when the two were last parted.

There is a certain comfort that comes from the authentic expression of genuine sorrow.  And there is a certain comfort that is forfeited if we do not give authentic expression to genuine sorrow.  Repressed people are among the most unhappy in the world.  In Psalm 32:3, David wrote:

^3 When I kept silent,

my bones wasted away

through my groaning all day long.

Part of the purpose of psychotherapy is to unlock a person’s hidden hurts and repressed sorrows so that he can find healing of mind, of soul and often, of body.

And it is not just psychologically that people receive comfort when they have mourned; they also receive comfort spiritually.

In Luke 7:36, Luke describes the scene of a banquet where Jesus is the guest of honor.  Into this banquet comes a well-known prostitute and with total disregard for anyone else in the room, she goes straight to Jesus and washes his feet with her tears, dries them with her hair and anoints them with expensive perfume.

The Pharisees condemned her for her actions and they accused Jesus.  They told him that if he had any idea who she was and what she had been up to, he would stop her.

But Jesus replied that those who have been forgiven of much will love much and those who have been forgiven of little will only love a little.  This woman came to Jesus without pretending to be innocent and without trying to hide her guilt.  She had come face-to-face with her sin (unlike the Pharisees) and owned it.  By her actions, she was acknowledging that what she had done was sin, that she knew it, that she was sorry for it and that she was accepting the forgiveness that only Jesus could give.

For those who will make expression of sorrow over their sin, there is the spiritual comfort that comes from being forgiven.

CONCLUSION:

With such eternally important benefits coming from mourning for our sin, why might people not do it?

Sadly, some people believe they are past forgiveness.  They believe they have sinned too much and their sins are too serious to be forgiven.  Let me tell you that you are not past forgiveness.

Some people do not mourn their sin because they have in the past…and were condemned, not comforted, by the church.

Some do not mourn their sin because they are deceived: they are self-righteous and believe that their sins are no big deal.

 

Some do not mourn their sin because they just love their sin too much to feel grief over it.

 

I think that sometimes people do not mourn for their sin because we, as a church, don’t call for it.  We play Trivial Pursuit and emphasize buildings and programs and offerings and image.  We don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings so we do not tell them that they must repent of their sin and turn to Christ or they will be condemned for eternity.

 

 And sometimes people do not mourn their sin because they are not broken.  They have not yet come to realize that they are spiritual paupers in need of a savior.  They still think that they can work out their salvation for themselves.  They do not believe they have anything to mourn about.

 

But if you are spiritually broken; if you recognize that you are a spiritual pauper in need of a savior, when you are willing to express that, you will be comforted.  Are you wiling to tell Jesus all of your trials?  Then do so as we sing.

INVITATION:                        #636 – “I Must Tell Jesus”

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